Free from Ctrl

This song, Hold Me - Jaime Grace and Toby Mac, is one of those songs I hear and wish I would always believe. Laura Story sings a song called "Blessings" that does a good job of reminding me of the truths I need to stay focused on.

Backdrop: (pray please)

• I haven't had an apartment since the end of July and the school semester started the end of August. So I've been staying with my parents on the weekend and friends/students throughout the week as I work on campus at Kean University. 
• My support has been $1200/month lower than I need it to be so that I can fully engage college students with the revitalizing story of Jesus Christ. So I've only been working at Kean University for the most part and working on support the rest of the time.
• My tire blew an unexpected expense through my emergency fund the second day of work.
• My laptop has been unexpectedly been shutting down on random occasions.
• Kean Cru has been having problems getting a room for it's weekly Bible studies.

What God's been teaching me...

This weekend I was able to go to Baltimore with our Jersey Metro Intern, ChiChi, and a few NJ students to meet up with staff and students from around the region to discuss and plan our upcoming winter conference, RADIATE2011. Immediately after this conference, I decided to drive to Virginia with a student of mine to go visit friends & students from Hampton Beach Summer Project 2011. It was Saturday afternoon and I had Monday off since I had just finished working a 65 hour work week. I've obviously been struggling with finding rest without a place of my own and I knew that if I went to NJ or NY, I would probably work in one way or another. So I decided I need to get away.

Truth:
On this 5 hour drive to Virginia Tech & 8 hour drive back up to NJ, I learned that I have a strong desire to be in control of all things in my life and cause them to work my way - "the good way". I tend to forget God's promises and truth that He loves me and has plans to prosper me and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). I see my circumstances and wonder where is God's hand, but He said He will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrew 13:5). So then can I believe Him even when I don't see Him working? Can I believe His word, which says He is good & all that He does is good (Psalm 119:68)?

Focus:
This song, "Tear Down the Walls" by Hillsong, reminds me that I can believe Him because there is a greater purpose to being here in this life than to be comfortable and adjusted in my life-seat. I can BE FREE from the need to control because He's trust-worthy. Christian rap artist, Lecrae, says it beautifully in his song "Background"- "I can play the background cuz I know sometimes I get in the way". He can handle my life.... I just gotta trust Him and see it from His perspective. Kinda gets me excited for what God is going to do at our Fall Retreat this year entitled "focus - Change your perspective. Find your purpose."

NOW... (praise time)

I can see God's goodness in all these things that appear painful.

• Because I don't have an apartment, I've saved on rent and utilities for two months and haven't had to pay with students, friends and family.
• Because my support is low, I've been able to talk to more students about what I do and the importance of giving to God's kingdom work.
• Because my tire blew & my laptop may be at the end of it's working life, I'm excited for what God's going to do on campus to upset the enemies schemes!
• Despite Kean having problems getting a room for their weekly meetings, we've had MANY freshmen students come out to our meet & greet, pizza & God event, and bowling night out... people know we are on campus! This is key to our movement! PRAISE JESUS!